RamseyEss

After ordering a print job from Staples, this is the screen that came up, advertising their Rewards program. I do not understand and submit it to you without further comment:

Further comment: What the hell does this mean?!

On May 17th, 2008 I had the pleasure of watching a few wrestling matches showcased by the East Coast Professional Wrestling Group at St. Patrick’s Roman Catholic Church in Brooklyn, NY. Among the many surprises of the evening (including the return of the WWF’s Brutus “the Barber” Beefcake, which I was told repeatedly, was historic), there was one that stood out: unless he could be defeated, apparently St. Patrick’s Church was going to be turned over to Prince Akkanatan (!). This raised several questions that would, unfortunately, go unanswered.

• Did the priest presiding over the church allow this wager to happen? Was he so confident in the abilities of the Prince’s opponent, Brooklyn’s own Tony Biella?
• Also, isn’t Father Thomas aware that Proverbs 16:33 says, “The lot is cast in the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord?” I would think he would be. Since he studies the Bible for his job.
• Was Prince Akkanatan organizing his files in his palace in Parts Unknown and suddenly discover a deed for St. Patrick’s Roman Catholic Church in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn? (If this were the case, why didn’t he wrestle the congregation?)
• What did Prince Akkanatan plan on doing with the church if he won? While it clearly had a lovely auditorium area, I would imagine the novelty of owning a church would wear off after a short while.
• Sunni or Shi’ite?
• Why did Prince Akkanatan select a Korn song for his entrance music? Do they have Korn in his kingdom? Why not some music from his homeland of Parts Unknown, or a song by Prince: the Artist?
• If the church’s fate hinged on a wrestling match, why the 50/50 raffle tickets?
• Seriously, what’s he going to do with a church?
• Why did Prince Akkanatan react so intensely to the crowd chanting “USA! USA!”? (It was like kryptonite to the Prince.)
• If he knew that it would affect him in such a way, why did the Prince whisper to the announcer that he would lose the match if anyone chanted “USA! USA!”? I’m not a wrestler, but I feel as though that is a very poor strategy.

<SPOILERS AHEAD> Ultimately, Prince Akkanatan was not successful in winning St. Patrick’s Church… …this time…