September 30th, 2014

Joke #00739

From the week of September 21, 2014:

The United States and several Arab nations this week launched airstrikes against ISIS targets inside Syria. With the US taking action, experts predict that the region should be stabilized in “still never” years from now.

September 30th, 2014

Joke #00738

And we’re back for another exciting season of Ramsey Wrote Jokes for a Thing and These are the Ones That Didn’t Get Used! Very exciting. Here’s the season premiere!

From the week of September 21, 2014:

President Obama spoke Wednesday to the UN and urged countries to contest militant extremists on social media. Or as Fox News reports, “President Obama advocates Cyberbullying.”

June 1st, 2014

Joke #00737

From the week of May 17th, 2014:

Scientists have discovered the fossilized remains of a 16 million year old shrimp like creature that contains fossilized sperm in her reproductive tract. Hey, I know it’s been dead for a while, but can we not slut shame the fossilized shrimp?

June 1st, 2014

Joke #00736

From the week of May 17th, 2014:

Many NFL fans were upset by Michael Sam, who became the first openly gay man drafted into the NFL, when he posted a picture of him and his boyfriend kissing. So, if you’re that homophobic, maybe don’t follow the openly gay NFL player on Instagram?

May 31st, 2014

Joke #00735

From the week of May 17th, 2014:

Many NFL fans were upset by Michael Sam, who became the first openly gay man drafted into the NFL, when he posted a picture of him and his boyfriend kissing. So, if you’re that homophobic, maybe don’t follow the openly gay NFL player on Instagram?

May 31st, 2014

Joke #00734

From the week of May 17th, 2014:

A new survey finds that Houston, Texas has the least courteous drivers in the country. But, like the saying goes, “Everything’s bigger in Texas. Including the a-holes.”

May 31st, 2014

Joke #00733

From the week of May 17th, 2014:

A junior at Yale, who was the starting forward on the basketball team, has quit the team so that he can join the Whiffenpoofs, the school’s a cappella group. But before you make fun, you should know that the Yale basketball team is named “The Yale Weak Babies.”

May 31st, 2014

Joke #00732

From the week of May 17th, 2014:

A new survey shows that customer satisfaction with airlines has hit record high levels thanks mostly to customers’ record low standards.

May 30th, 2014

Joke #00731

From the week of May 17th, 2014:

Arizona police arrested a teenager at his prom for wearing a stolen tuxedo. The teen was let off with a warning, once he apologized to the funeral home.

May 30th, 2014

Joke #00730

From the week of May 17th, 2014:

An 8 year-old Florida girl this week helped her mother deliver her baby brother in their home, but to be fair, she just made the trip herself pretty recently.

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@ramsobot

Ramsey Ess is a writer and comedian living in Brooklyn. He is a freelancer for late night television, writer of a weekly column about old TV for Splitsider, a podcaster, and improviser. He is also the writer/star of the webseries "Ramsey Has a Time Machine."

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