Ramsey Ess is a writer and comedian living in Brooklyn. He is a weekly columnist on old TV for Splitsider, podcaster, and a freelance writer for late night television.Tumblr (3.0; @ramseyesscom)http://ramseyess.net/<iframe width="400" height="225" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/r5kMOheA5_8?wmode=transparent&autohide=1&egm=0&hd=1&iv_load_policy=3&modestbranding=1&rel=0&showinfo=0&showsearch=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br/><br/><p><a href="http://ramseyess.net/post/51170335636/throwback-thursday-when-it-was-announced-that">Yesterday I wrote a mini-tribute</a> to <em>Arrested Development </em>and mentioned that I have a few theories about unused plotlines that I think were built into the show but they never got to use. There was a request for me to explain, so I put this quick video together to explain my big one.</p>http://ramseyess.net/post/51230593292http://ramseyess.net/post/51230593292Fri, 24 May 2013 12:03:47 -0400arrested development<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/f61a36778d94367dff6d32652e972abf/tumblr_mn9qnc4YgS1qe8p34o2_400.jpg"/><br/> <br/><img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/06f216fd0e0b6e7cb7a972b1ab4184a6/tumblr_mn9qnc4YgS1qe8p34o1_500.png"/><br/> <br/><p><strong>Throwback Thursday</strong></p> <p>When it was announced that season 2 of <em>Arrested Development </em>was going to be shortened from 22 to 18 episodes I was in college. Since this was the first time in my life that I didn’t have to ask my parents first before doing something like calling a TV studio in Los Angeles, I called Fox, sounded confident when the operator picked up, and managed to get connected to the Arrested Development office. The very nice receptionist seemed flummoxed but encouraged by the fact that a kid in Upstate New York was calling in support and she told me to just get as many people as I could to watch.</p> <p>When it was announced that season 3 was probably going to be the last one, I threw a massive viewing party. I made frozen bananas, I made a giant banner, I made people call me Mister Manager, it was great. When the show was finally, truly dead, props were auctioned off. I didn’t get to go out to LA to the auction, but thank god for the sharks who bought stuff just to put it on eBay. Above is one of my proudest possessions: a bar decoration from Deliberations, the lawyer bar from Season 1’s “Altar Egos.” You can see that someone, either a prop-maker or a writer, took the trouble to create law-themed drinks to put on this prop despite the fact that you barely see it on TV. This attention to detail is so inspiring, and I’m trying to include little things like this in the webseries I’m filming this month.</p> <p><span>I love this show. I’ve </span>dissected<span> it. I’ve studied it. I have theories about plotlines</span><span> that I am </span><strong>positive</strong><span> they were foreshadowing that never came to be. (Okay, that one blurs the line between fan and Charles Manson.) In everything I write I try to write my own version of it, but I’ll never come close, but it continues to inspire me and push me to keep trying anyway.</span></p> <p>I’m very excited about Sunday.</p>http://ramseyess.net/post/51170335636http://ramseyess.net/post/51170335636Thu, 23 May 2013 16:38:00 -0400arrested development<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/e27ed9dce4f8fd89d70fc693837b3475/tumblr_mn884nxohN1qe8p34o1_400.png"/><br/><br/><p>If you have $800 to spend on a present for me, <a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/woody-allen-sharon-stone-Gene-Hackman-Signed-autograph-antz-action-figure-COA-/251278595114?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item3a815f142a">this <em>Antz</em> action figure </a>signed by Woody Allen is not something I, or anybody, would want.</p>http://ramseyess.net/post/51112026211http://ramseyess.net/post/51112026211Wed, 22 May 2013 21:00:23 -0400<p><strong>From the Week of April 28th, 2013:</strong></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p>NASA announced this week that it is looking for haikus to send <span>aboard a new space craft that will be sent to Mars. Apparently </span><span>to punish the Mars Rovers.</span></p>http://ramseyess.net/post/50196544611http://ramseyess.net/post/50196544611Sat, 11 May 2013 17:30:29 -0400jokes<p><strong>From the Week of April 28th, 2013:</strong></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p>A new survey shows that 41 percent of college graduates are <span>overqualified for the jobs they have. The other 59% are </span><span>unemployed.</span></p>http://ramseyess.net/post/50191202188http://ramseyess.net/post/50191202188Sat, 11 May 2013 16:15:25 -0400jokes<p><strong>From the Week of April 28th, 2013:</strong></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p>A woman in Georgia was arrested after she was caught stealing a <span>Bible from a book store. When asked for comment, God was kinda </span><span>conflicted.</span></p>http://ramseyess.net/post/50119033169http://ramseyess.net/post/50119033169Fri, 10 May 2013 18:45:14 -0400jokes<p><strong>From the Week of April 28th, 2013:</strong></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p>ESPN reporter Chris Broussard created a controversy this week <span>after he said that according to the Bible homosexuality is a sin </span><span>and that NBA player Jason Collins can’t call himself a Christian </span><span>after revealing that he was gay. This will probably be the last </span><span>edition of SportsCenter&#8217;s &#8220;Theology Bench.&#8221;</span></p>http://ramseyess.net/post/50113684298http://ramseyess.net/post/50113684298Fri, 10 May 2013 17:30:33 -0400jokes<p><strong>From the Week of April 28th, 2013:</strong></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p>Florida police arrested a man after he broke into a home then <span>stopped to play with a toy helicopter and eat a salad. But at </span><span>least he&#8217;s not letting his profession get in the way of his day </span><span>to day life, right?</span></p>http://ramseyess.net/post/50108388656http://ramseyess.net/post/50108388656Fri, 10 May 2013 16:15:28 -0400jokes<p><strong>From the Week of April 28th, 2013:</strong></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p>A New York man has made a living for the past 8 years by selling <span>the items he finds dropped down subway grates. It turns out </span><span>there&#8217;s a great resale market for broken umbrellas and flyers </span><span>for eyebrow threadings.</span></p>http://ramseyess.net/post/50043423014http://ramseyess.net/post/50043423014Thu, 09 May 2013 18:45:23 -0400jokes<p><strong>From the Week of April 28th, 2013:</strong></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p>Students in a Mechatronics class at the University of Colorado <span>are holding a tournament featuring autonomous, Dodgeball-playing </span><span>robots which they constructed, meaning American students are so </span><span>lazy that now they&#8217;re building robots to get out of gym class.</span></p>http://ramseyess.net/post/50037717527http://ramseyess.net/post/50037717527Thu, 09 May 2013 17:30:10 -0400jokes<p><strong>From the Week of April 28th, 2013:</strong></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p>This week two long running soap operas “All My Children” and <span>“One Life to Live,” which were canceled in 2011, returned as web </span><span>series, which is the perfect place for their key audience to </span><span>never find them.</span></p>http://ramseyess.net/post/50032146388http://ramseyess.net/post/50032146388Thu, 09 May 2013 16:15:38 -0400jokes<p><strong>From the Week of April 28th, 2013:</strong></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p>The FBI is reportedly trying to reconstruct an Instagram <span>account once owned by suspected Boston bombing suspect Dzhokhar </span><span>Tsarnaev, which was recently deleted. So far they&#8217;ve taken </span><span>photos of a large number of sandwiches in the Boston area.</span></p>http://ramseyess.net/post/49965158908http://ramseyess.net/post/49965158908Wed, 08 May 2013 18:45:25 -0400jokes<p><strong>From the Week of April 28th, 2013:</strong></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p>It was announced this week that the a TV version of the <span>Huffington Post will soon begin airing on the cable channel AXS </span><span>TV, although you can make the show yourself by just flipping </span><span>back and forth between all of the other news shows.</span></p>http://ramseyess.net/post/49959309275http://ramseyess.net/post/49959309275Wed, 08 May 2013 17:30:11 -0400jokes<p><strong>From the Week of April 28th, 2013:</strong></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p>NBA star Jason Collins this week revealed that he is gay, making <span>him the first openly gay athlete actively playing on a major </span><span>American sports team. We are now in an era where professional </span><span>basketball players can be accused of constantly cheating on </span><span>their wives or </span><em>husbands</em><span>.</span></p>http://ramseyess.net/post/49953580598http://ramseyess.net/post/49953580598Wed, 08 May 2013 16:15:44 -0400jokes<p><strong>From the Week of April 28th, 2013:</strong></p> <p></p> <p>A man in India was arrested for endangering the life of a child <span>after he let his 9 year-old son drive his Ferrari. Officials </span><span>were worried that the 9-year-old was in danger of being high-</span><span>fived to death.</span></p>http://ramseyess.net/post/49886272646http://ramseyess.net/post/49886272646Tue, 07 May 2013 18:45:18 -0400jokes<p><strong>From the Week of April 28th, 2013:</strong></p> <p></p> <p>CBS announced that it will renew their hit series Two and a Half <span>Men, however Angus T. Jones will not return as a regular cast </span><span>member, which means that John Cryer has just won the CBS reality </span><span>show &#8220;Survivor: Two and a Half Men.&#8221;</span></p>http://ramseyess.net/post/49880537642http://ramseyess.net/post/49880537642Tue, 07 May 2013 17:30:14 -0400jokes<p><strong>From the Week of April 28th, 2013:</strong></p> <p>Producers of the hit BBC series Downton Abbey said that plans <span>are underway to sell period dresses and furniture seen in the </span><span>show, allowing you to wear the things your favorite characters </span><span>unexpectedly died in.</span></p>http://ramseyess.net/post/49874828260http://ramseyess.net/post/49874828260Tue, 07 May 2013 16:15:23 -0400jokes<p><strong>From the Week of April 28th, 2013:</strong></p> <p>President Obama this week renewed his vow made in his first term <span>to close the detention center at Guantanamo Bay, bringing him </span><span>one step closer to crossing off the first thing on his &#8220;To Do&#8221; </span><span>list.</span></p>http://ramseyess.net/post/49809385128http://ramseyess.net/post/49809385128Mon, 06 May 2013 19:21:58 -0400jokes<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/826ef1b563306857103a5e843addbb5c/tumblr_mm95xnOkwa1qe8p34o1_r1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>My new book.</p>http://ramseyess.net/post/49609592108http://ramseyess.net/post/49609592108Sat, 04 May 2013 14:11:43 -0400<iframe width="400" height="299" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/JGpR6R3a1D4?wmode=transparent&autohide=1&egm=0&hd=1&iv_load_policy=3&modestbranding=1&rel=0&showinfo=0&showsearch=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br/><br/><p>Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce a song to you called “The Naughty Lady of Shady Lane.” Listen to it once, and then THRILL to the song’s twist ending of <strong>Shyamalanian</strong> proportions. I <strong>guarantee</strong> you will listen to this song a second time to hear all the pieces fit together.</p>http://ramseyess.net/post/49317129684http://ramseyess.net/post/49317129684Tue, 30 Apr 2013 20:21:54 -0400