January 2011
16 posts
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Jokes from the Week of 1/8 - 4
According to a new survey, 22 percent of people believe it is acceptable to be online while having sex, while the other 88 percent do it the old fashioned way and have sex while reading books.
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Jokes from the Week of 1/8 - 3
Four of the winning numbers in Tuesday’s 355 million dollar Mega Millions lottery were numbers from the show Lost, earning people who played those numbers 150 dollars. But, unfortunately, this won’t be enough money to buy themselves a satisfying ending to their favorite TV show.
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Jokes from the Week of 1/8 - 2
A troupe of dancers in London attempted to break the record for the world’s largest burlesque number. Meanwhile, an audience broke the record for the world’s largest group of people simultaneously expressing pity for performers.
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Jokes from the Week of 1/8 - 1
The Dollar General Corporation said Monday that it plans to open over 600 new stores this year and hire more than 6000 people at which point the corporation will be promoted to Dollar Admiral.
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WatchHere’s a video of the coolest thing I ever did.
At last year’s WFMU Marathon, just a few days after I had my retinal reattachment surgery, Tom Scharpling asked me if I knew how to play acoustic guitar for his big show closer song. I told him I did.
So, here now is a video of me playing guitar as Tom Scharpling, John Hodgman and Patton Oswalt perform Donovan’s...
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Jokes from the Week of 12/18 - 5
Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Samuel Alito have both said that they will not attend this January’s State of the Union Address after President Obama publicly criticized a Supreme Court ruling, citing the 1854 decision: “Having Nothing Nice to Say Versus Saying Nothing at All.”
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Jokes from the Week of 12/18 - 4
In an upcoming episode of Jeopardy, two of the game’s highest winning contestants, Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter, will compete against an IBM computer named “Watson” in what will be the first ever televised rampage by a sore losing robot.
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Jokes from Week of 12/18 - 3
The Canadian Women’s Hockey League has expanded for the first time into the US, starting a team in Boston called “The Blades,” which is a step up from their original name, “The Schick Quattro Lady Razors.”
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Jokes from the Week of 12/18 - 2
Many libraries around the country have begun welcoming homeless people and have even started organizing book clubs for them. “We’re just happy that we can give them someone to talk to when they otherwise could go days without seeing another human being,” said a homeless man.
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Jokes from the Week of 12/18 - 1
The President of FIFA is warning homosexuals attending the 2022 World Cup games in Qatar to refrain while they are there from having sex, which is illegal in that country. Which just goes to show: FIFA is really conscientious towards gays who make travel plans 11 years in advance.
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Jokes from the Week of 12/11 - 5
A man in Oregon has changed his name to Captain Awesome, in honor of a character on the NBC show Chuck, a decision he will leave out when talking about his life with his children twenty years later.
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Jokes from the Week of 12/11 - 4
A new report shows that the number of divorces in Iran has skyrocketed in the past decade, with one in seven marriages ending in divorce. In response, Iranian officials have already begun to claim that their uranium enriching programs are to build stronger nuclear families.
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Jokes from the Week of 12/11 - 3
Oprah Winfrey on Monday revealed that one of the latest Book Club picks will be Charles Dickens’ “Great Expectations:” the story of a young orphan, living in squalor until he turns his life around when a mysterious benefactor gives him a 2010 Volkswagen Beetle.
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Jokes from the Week of 12/11 - 2
It was reported that a musical version of “American Psycho” will be heading to Broadway soon, which tells the story of what happens when one man performs a musical based on the album “American Idiot” too many times.
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Jokes from the Week of 12/11 - 1
New York’s Subway has begun its annual holiday tradition of using vintage cars from the 1930s on Sundays which will match their usual practice of delivering service from the 1930s.
